Howdey 
Sat here on a monday morning of yet another day not going to university. Tut! not because i didnt want to go but how can i concentrate after having only 2 hours sleep. Not right! 
I had a massive argument with one of best mates last night and ended up in a full blown fight with her. It was over such a silly reason which i wont go into detail on but lets just say i was a bit out of order to her. We seem okay this morning but i cant help thinking if there is something wrong with me. I just have so much aggression and i can hit out at the smallest things. It like there is a different person inside my head telling me that im such a bad person and I dont deserve to be here. Then this other person who I love and I know everyone else does too.
Hitting the bottle as they say lol. Im hitting it hard. I cant stop drinking and smoking. I had not had a fag for like 2 months and just went downstairs and bought a ten pack of B&H. Feels horrible when i breathe it in but having it there gives me some sort of control and power knowing I am doing that to my self. If only people new the truth about me and how i was feeling inside. I get drunk and sleep with random people and flirt till my hearts content. Lead people on! WHATS WRONG WITH ME? I think i just want attention and im not getting it. I want people to know I am around.
Im doing things that are making everyone else happy and yet my 'true colours' are showing through! 
Help me! before i start going down a path i dont want to and i get lost.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
skyla777
babe, it sounds to me like a normal day at uni!!!!! if you feel that low, maybe you should see someone about it before it gets worse? i guess it is finaly admitting that you may be depressed or the like that makes you get the help, but it is also empowering to know you are helping yourself. plus a little thought here: your parents made love and you were born...out of the millions of other people that could be here, you were born...that is so huge! life is the bonus round my friend, and it goes in an instant. dont take that gift away from yourself...you have yet so much to achieve. you are part of the fabric of existance right now and whether you believe it or not, you are touching other peoples lives just by being here! you will kick yourself on your death bed if you dont achieve everything you want to do because you have cancer or emphysema from trying to kill yourself! we dont lead our lives perfectly (we are only human) but even if you are living it imperfectly, at least try to truly live it! you only get one shot at this, so make it worth while. come on girl....its too easy to take the depressive route...challenge yourself and try positivity out for a change!!!!