Howdey 
Sat here on a monday morning of yet another day not going to university. Tut! not because i didnt want to go but how can i concentrate after having only 2 hours sleep. Not right! 
I had a massive argument with one of best mates last night and ended up in a full blown fight with her. It was over such a silly reason which i wont go into detail on but lets just say i was a bit out of order to her. We seem okay this morning but i cant help thinking if there is something wrong with me. I just have so much aggression and i can hit out at the smallest things. It like there is a different person inside my head telling me that im such a bad person and I dont deserve to be here. Then this other person who I love and I know everyone else does too.
Hitting the bottle as they say lol. Im hitting it hard. I cant stop drinking and smoking. I had not had a fag for like 2 months and just went downstairs and bought a ten pack of B&H. Feels horrible when i breathe it in but having it there gives me some sort of control and power knowing I am doing that to my self. If only people new the truth about me and how i was feeling inside. I get drunk and sleep with random people and flirt till my hearts content. Lead people on! WHATS WRONG WITH ME? I think i just want attention and im not getting it. I want people to know I am around.
Im doing things that are making everyone else happy and yet my 'true colours' are showing through! 
Help me! before i start going down a path i dont want to and i get lost.
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2008-02-04 @ 12:03